An analysis of the two kinds of people you will encounter at Frosh
Ah, yes. Frosh is upon us. The annual turnt- fest promises music, dancing, beer, drugs, assaults, and unconsciousness (perhaps not necessarily in that order). If you are new to campus life, you will quickly learn that there are only 2 types of students on campus: the noobs and the pros. There is no magic sorting hat that tells you which one you are. You are already one or the other. Frosh may well be a baptism of liquor (or maybe fire, like an actual freaking fire) that definitively distinguishes whether you are a lowly noob or a hardened pro.
The noob is easy to spot at Frosh. In fact, there are many extra noobs from the local high schools being choppered in due to lax security and the scant mention of possible beer and weed. It is clear to the pros and to security, judging from their heightened sense of hormone-fuelled bravado, that the noobs have absolutely no clue what their limits are. All that these kids know is that their parents are away and that they feel thirsty—in more ways than one. Note their snap-back caps and their free swag shirts. Soon enough, the noobs are turnt and it gets rowdy.
That is when I see Canada’s finest spring into action. No, I am obviously not talking about the students of UBCO. I am talking about the men and women of the RCMP and BC Ambulance Service. These highly-trained professionals are pre-positioned to swoop in when the party stops being MTV’s Spring Break and it starts being Grey’s Anatomy and Cops. They get that these noobs are kids being kids. They were our age at one point, after all.
Here’s a pro tip: if you see a police officer or a paramedic on campus grounds, thank them. They are not here to stop you from having fun. They are here to protect us. And if you are kicking and screaming at them come Frosh night, then you are probably the one being a total noob.
The pro might be harder to spot at Frosh. If they are there, then they will be taking it easy. It is a Friday, and the pros are planning on an enjoyable but controlled night. No pro is dumb enough to be caught with open liquor or drugs. They have seen how that road ends. Pros like me? We watch. We laugh. Then we go back to our dorms free of tickets, injuries, or traumatic memories. And, of course, I will give a hearty thanks to the paramedics and the cops.